14 misconceptions of lingam massage
14 misconceptions of lingam massage
Most readers who are not familiar with the tantric perspectives on sex will find a lot of the terminology alien and absurd. But not to worry because during the course of this discussion, many things will become clearer and (hopefully!) your own understanding of sexual practice will become heightened and far more refined.
Firstly, the very term ‘lingam’ is seldom found in a dictionary! One is required to go to specialist reference books on subjects such as Kama Sutra or Tantra then the word appears on numerous occasions. Literally, it is translated as ‘wand of light’ from the original Sanskrit and it is within that translation we get a beneficial insight into the mystical power of the penis (or wand of light!). And it is true – many cultures and religious practices unashamedly pay great reverence to the penis. In Thailand, an entire shrine called Chao Mae Tuptim, is dedicated to showing reverence to the penis and this place is full of, you’ve guessed it, penises in a variety of shapes and colours!
Similarly, in ancient Hindu culture, the goddess Shiva is associated with a penis ( readers are recommended to read Hindu mythology to understand why) and many statues and caricatures show this in temples.
And this brings us nicely onto the first misconception...
1. The lingam massage is an ancient far-eastern practice.
One would be forgiven for thinking this but in actual fact this sensual massage originates in Germany! Who would have thought that Germany gave this to the world!
Far from being an actual tantric practice, a more befitting term would be neo-tantra as its origins are neither entirely ancient nor far eastern. It was in the 1980s when Andro Andreas Rothe developed the lingam massage and this has been further developed by the likes of Taoist practitioner, Mantak Chia and tantric practitioner, Joe Kramer.
2. It takes years to master
The reality is that anything can take years to do and master, whether it is playing the piano or learning to sew. And the lingam massage is no exception. There are techniques, sequences and procedures to learn and follow but that doesn’t mean it cannot be tried. An absolute first time novice can achieve something beneficial as well as an experienced veteran. No matter how long it would take to get a certain degree of proficiency, we all have to take the first step!
3. You have to learn from a professional
Yes and no. Learning from somebody far more experienced and knowledgeable is, without a doubt, a great way to learn but that is not always realistic or practical – it might even be a tad bit uncomfortable for most couples to be watched over!
A good way is to read a couple of books on sensual massages as well as the odd YouTube video then that should be enough to get a ‘feel’ for what’s required. The rest is your own emotion and intuition.
4. It’s the same thing as a ‘Hand-job’.
Nothing could be further from the truth. A hand-job is often a case of ‘sex in the head’ that is fuelled from the pornography industry but the lingam massage is a ceremonious ritual that is done between two loving couples as a means to strengthening a relationship. It is about understanding and reading each other so to develop a far more intense and meaningful sex life. A hand-job lacks those more intimate strands as it is geared towards pure gratification.
5. Requires knowledge of male anatomy
Anything that involves the human body requires some know-how of the subject matter. However, that doesn’t mean that the male genitalia need be studied academically. The best way to study it is to do it and experience it! Through touch, the scrotum is felt; through gripping, the shaft is felt; the power of the perineum is appreciated by observing how the man reacts as soon as it is touched. This is the beauty of the lingam massage – it is learning on the job!
6. It’s just a form of foreplay
Conventional western wisdom dictates a particular procedure to sex. It starts with gentle kissing, soft touches and rubbing, eventually leading onto penetration. Therefore, sexual activity of any sort is viewed through this particular lens that many have been conditioned with. Although the lingam massage can be used as a form of foreplay, the actual purpose is far more nuanced and purposeful.
It is to do with finding a more meaningful understanding of sexuality, an understanding that brings together emotion, desire, the spirit and passion. In particular, the man receiving the massage recognises the power of sexual energy and learns to appreciate it.
It is true, sex is the politics to everyone and according to Freud, it’s the basis of our personality. But the lingam can be likened to a sex development program. Those who have sexual problems, be it premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction will find this massage to be invaluable as it focuses on breathing, concentration and tapping into one’s energy streams. Sex is never quite the same with this realisation but first, one has to get rid of the notion that it is just about sex – in reality, it’s about reaching a higher human potential.
8. Talking is not allowed
It is a common practice that talking or any form of verbal communication is not allowed. Whilst it is true in certain schools of thought, it is not a definitive, universal truth. The whole point of the massage is to understand your partner, to observe his behaviour and to read the signs without talking. This in itself is an art that couples should learn but often it is at the discretion of those involved. To realise the true reality of the massage, prolonged eye contact and minimal verbal communication is ideal.
9. It’s not traditional for a man to receive such sexual attention
Tradition has a context and in many far eastern cultures, the man does receive a lot in terms of foreplay. The western world is slowly succumbing to the idea of pleasing a man and the man, in turn reciprocating. Such an understanding, however, springs from a spiritual understanding. The man and wife are the Yin- Yang components of the universe and the two have to be in sexual union and in harmony with the dynamics of the universe. Under this backdrop, it is easy to understand the importance of the man receiving as well as giving.
10. There is only one way to do the lingam massage
Stereotypically, we think of an up-down movement as the basis to the massage. That is an over- simplification because there are a good 25 different movements ranging from grips, rubs, presses and pulls. Within that the penis, testicles and anus receive different forms of attention – this makes the massage very satisfying indeed.
11. It is the male equivalent of the Yoni massage
Yoni being the Sanskrit term meaning ‘sacred temple’ refers to the vagina and the massage can deliver powerful multiple orgasms. Within the Taoist sexual tradition, it is a way of cultivating female sexuality and making them much more aware of their own sexual energy. Whilst there are a number of overlapping themes between the lingam and yoni massages, the end goal (as will be discussed later) with the lingam massage is not ejaculation.
12. It is a spiritual exercise
Tantra and similar sexual practices definitely do have spiritual connotations. Hinduism with its sexual yoga has given birth to the whole notion of sacred sexuality. However, one doesn’t have to be spiritual or religious in order to enjoy the massage. What is required, however, is mindfulness and a deep relaxation technique which allows a man to reach climax without ejaculation – the spiritual or non-spiritual can practice and appreciate this.
13. Ejaculation is the aim
If it happens, it happens. But instead of an explosive ejaculation, the sexual energy isn’t allowed to fester resulting in sexual euphoria. On the contrary, the energy is to be spread around the body where the entire being feels the sexual energy. This is great for premature ejaculation and many realise its great benefits.
14. It cannot be incorporated into other sexual practices.
Often the lingam massage is conveyed as an isolated ritual but for really satisfying results, it should be part of a sexual routine involving other massages with oils and gentle music.